May Angels Lead You In
by kamers
Summary: The storm of thoughts going through James' head right before he died. Rated for mild language.


**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The song "Here You Me" is by Jimmy Eat World and I do not, in any way, own it.

**Author's Note:** I had this on my old account, but thought I'd repost it because I enjoyed it so much. I had some amazingly wonderful reviews over there, but hopefully people will like it just as much the second time around.

**May Angels Lead You In**

I'm James Potter. And I'm about to be killed.

Oh, crap.

Lily. Help.

I hate Peter Pettigrew. Why, you may ask. Well, he's the whole reason I'm about to be killed, you see?

Good reason to hate someone.

I can hear my son crying upstairs. You don't know what that's like. You know that your son is in trouble and there's nothing you can do about it. Harry! I'm so sorry. I'd help, but... Oh, help.

This is all my fault. Yep, me. If I had been more insistant on Sirius being our Secret-Keeper. If I had seen Peter for what he really was. If I hadn't married Lily, she'd be all right.

If.

That's a pretty odd word, isn't it? If. What does it really mean. Who knows, and, quite frankly, who cares? If. Hm, I'll have to look it up later. Wait, I don't have a later. Forgot.

Help. Help, Sirius. My best friend, bosom pal. We've been through it all, haven't we. Remember all the pranks we used to play on Snape? Oh, those were the days. We used to make Madam Rosmerta laugh so hard. We looked like brothers; everyone said so. Acted like it too, I suppose. We would make Professor McGonnagal so sore at us. You could always tell she thought we were funny though, couldn't you. She would always turn away so we couldn't make her laugh. She would always end up giving us detention, but you could see laughter in her eyes.

Padfoot. Oh, I used to make fun of you for that. Sirius Black, a dog. Think of all the girls that would call you a dog when you broke up with them. Well, maybe not a 'dog' persay, but you know.

I'm going to die.

Oh, God. I'm twenty-three. I can't die. I'm supposed to watch my son grow up, become Minister of Magic, be a millionare, grow old with Lily. No. This is wrong. Why? Why me? My parents didn't die until they were in their late forties and early fifties.

I AM TWENTY-THREE!

I need help. I can't die. No, this is wrong. This is all wrong.

Oh, my God. James Potter, are you crying? The strong Gryffindor James Potter. James Potter, the superb Seeker. The Head Boy with the beautiful girl friend that I eventually married.

What's wrong with me? I can't die! I have to fight.

Ah, but James, he's killed so many others, your parents included.

Someone, help me! Someone, anyone! Please, let one of the neighbors call the police or something... Anything. Have some trick-or-treaters come and see this and have their parents do something!

I don't want to die. I'm afraid to. I want to live! I don't want to leave my best friend, my wife, my son...

Harry James Potter. He was named after me. Harry, that's my middle name. James, that's my- well, you should have figured that out. Oh, God, someone help me! My son, he's only one. He hasn't lived his life, he can't die!

Oh, no, this can't be happening! Lily and I were talking just minutes ago about our plans with Sirius tomorrow. He was going to come over and we were going to have a big dinner with him.

Sirius. Oh, man, you know I love you, but not in that sick way. We were on top of the world. We grew up together, didn't we, man. We were so close. We knew everything about each other.

I'm only twenty-three... Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?

Lily, I love you. I always will. I love you more than anything on this planet. You know that. Please, run. No, don't be so brave. I'll hold him back.

James Harold Potter, what is your problem. You were the worst in Wizard Duels. What is your problem!

Lily Potter. Beautiful red hair. Bright green eyes. Oh, God, I can't die.

Why me? Why do I have to die? Why?

Potter, stop crying. Be a man. You're going to make it through this. You're going to be Sirius's best man when he gets married, just like he was for you. You're going to be his kid's god-father, just like he is for yours.

Oh, help.

I remember when I was little, I would always have to say help and my mum or dad would rush to my side and help me. They would give me a big hug and reassure me that I could do whatever my big feat for the day was.

I need a hug. I know. Very cliché there, Potter. Sorry, but I'm dying in five seconds or less, I figure I can be a little redundant in what I say. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

You know how all those people say that before you die there's always the bright tunnel and the flashing of your life before your eyes? Well, doesn't work that way. All I can see is this evil 'Lord's' eyes burning into me. Oh, I really need a hug now.

Prongs. I'm not sure why they called me that. What it has to do with a stag is beyond me. As far as I'm concerned, when I transform I look like a big horse. Maybe I look like a fork or something as I go from me to horse. I wouldn't know. I've never looked in a mirror as I change.

Oh, this is all wrong. It's all your fault, Potter. If you hadn't let Sirius talk you out of it.

There's that word again. If. God, for knowing I'm going to die I think a lot about my vocabulary.

Help me. I'm going to die and I don't want to. Potter, you think a lot about yourself. I'm sure all the people that have died really wanted to, you know.

I'm twenty-three! People aren't supposed to die so young. I have a life, despite whatever Sirius would tell you.

Moony. Remus, oh, Remus, why didn't I trust you? How could I think that you were a traitor? Werewolf or not, you were one of my closest friends, I should have relized that growing up. All the times we would sneak out of the castle to go and run around on the grounds. If Dumbledore had known half the things we did, we would have been expelled for sure. And whenever there was a close call what would we do? Laugh it off, of course.

Maybe it would have been better that way. I wouldn't have met Lily and she wouldn't have the fate she's going to have.

James Potter, I can't believe you. Lily is strong, she'll get away with Harry and they'll live, but you...

What am I doing? Spending my last seconds thinking about depressing things?

Uh, duh, Jamesie. What, are you really going to think about sunshine and rainbows when Voldemort himself is standing over you with his wand pointed at you?

Jamesie. That was Sirius's nickname for me. Oh, it used to bug me so much, but now I'd love for him to call me it again. What I'd do to hear his voice so that I could reassure him that it isn't his fault.

Because it isn't.

Or is it? Potter, who told you to swich? Who told you that Remus was a traitor?

I did not just think that. Oh, God, I did. I just accused my best friend of being as low as Peter Pettigrew.

Awful name, Pettigrew.

In Hogwarts all he did was follow us around like a little puppy-dog. Grew to be annoying at times, but I put up with him. He didn't see to exactly have an abundancy of self-esteem. What was I going to say? Peter, go away, I hate you. Nope, that just wasn't what I would to. I was to nice.

Look where it got you now, James.

Head Boy. Ha. Who's mistake was that? If I was really smart enough to have been Head Boy I would have seen Peter for what he was. But, I was to nice.

Sirius used to make fun of me because I was like that. But, what could I do? I would never break up with girls until they would get sick of me because I hated to see girls cry.

That was my weakness. Girls crying.

Once I made Lily cry. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't believe that I would ever make something so wonderful cry. It was over something stupid. I don't remember what, I just know it was a dumb fight. I huffed away and next thing I know I could hear Lily sobbing down the hallway.

Because of me.

Me!

I made her cry. I yelled at her. I don't even remember why. Oh, God. I felt so bad. I still do.

Yep, that's right folks. James Potter has feelings. Alert the press.

When did I ever become so sarcastic? Oh yeah, when i found out I'm about to die. My bad.

You know what kills me?

Haha, funny. Besides Voldemort. Aren't you a riot.

That I'm freaking twenty-three. Yeah, I know. We've been over this, but I'm looking at it in a different direction. I've been alive for twenty-three years. Why now? Why couldn't he have gotten me before Hogwarts or something? Then Lily would be able to grow old with a different husband.

Probably would have been Sirius. Now that's a funny thought.

But, what if this isn't about me? Maybe it's about, say, Harry? Could Harry really be this top notch wizard that's going to defeat Voldie? Well, who knows. I'll be dead by then, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

But maybe it does.

I just thought of something. What's going to happen to Sirius? I know he's going to try and avenge my death by going after Peter. I know him far to well. Come on people. He's my best friend and he knows I'd do the same for him.

Not going to happen though, since I'm about to die.

But what is going to happen to Sirius? Everyone thinks that he was my Secret-Keeper. Why didn't we tell anyone we changed? If we would have told Dumbledore he would be ok, and we wouldn't have to worry about something bad happening to Sirus.

If.

I hate that word.

It's just a way of saying your hopes and dreams that never happened.

I remember back in Hogwarts all these guys would try to talk to me. It was mainly about Quidditch and they were just sucking up to get onto the House Team, but whatever. Someone once told me that I was their hero. That more or less scared me.

Wish they could see me now. James Potter. He is so lucky, so strong, so proud. Wish they could see me now. Well, take it from me. I'd love to be one you them right now if they really wanted to. Believe me, it's not so great right now.

But it was fun.

Was. That's another odd word. No one really knows what it means but uses it all the time. Kind of like If.

I hate that word.

God.

This is wrong. I'm not supposed to die! I could have dies tons of times in Hogwarts. Think about it! I fell off my broon so many times. Got into fights with Remus as a werewolf how many times? I got so many different potions dumped on me and I'm still standing.

But not for long.

Oh, help. Someone.

Dumbledore did everything in his power to help us. He liked us, I guess. We did a lot for him and he got the four of us out of detention so many many times. I'm glad I gave him my cloak. Maybe he'll give it to Sirius if he believe him.

If.

You know, for hating the word so much I use it a lot.

Ever notice how everyone knows all those stupid little clichés? It's like they were pounded into our brains when we were little or something like that. How else would we know? Brainwashing? Who knows.

And why am I thinking about this when Voldemort is pointing a piece of wood at me. Where's my wand? Oh yeah, in my pocket.

Sure it's going to do a lot for me. He's older than me. A lot. I don't know how much older, but he's older.

Lily, I love you. You know that. I always will. I have a feeling I'll be seeing you soon. Please, leave! Get Harry and go... Tell Sirius it wasn't his fault. Tell him I'll miss him and that he should go on with his life.

Harry, my son. You have to live. Someone will save you, I know it. Good luck, boy. I hope you live however much life you have to the fullest. Who knows, you might die at twenty-three as well.

Moony. Remus. God, what can I say? We've been through so much, haven't we? The map. Animagi. You were my best friend next to Sirius. Don't worry, they'll figure out how to fix you disease. I hope.

Sirius. Padfoot. I can't believe I'm going to die. Just, please, remember. It wasn't your fault, got it? It was Peter, that little scumbag. Don't do anything you're going to regret later, ok? You are my best friend and always will be.

With that, I'll see you all with the angels.


End file.
